A few years ago, I started to come to the conclusion that by maintaining a positive attitude, I would likely experience positive outcomes (if anything, I would appreciate the positive life experiences more.) Not that I have ever really considered myself a negative thinker, I did still occasionally have my down days.
A quote I heard really hit home. I can’t remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of “If you have a problem, there’s no point getting stressed out. If there’s nothing you can do to correct the problem, don’t dwell on it and move on. If you can fix it, then fix it.”
After some random exposure last year to Buddhism, I picked up a book at an airport called “The art of forgiveness” by the Dalai Lama. My stepmom has been with my Dad since I was 7, and she really made a self sacrifice of not having children by marrying my Dad. My relationship with her is good now, but it wasn’t until a few years ago. She was very unreasonable, and often cruel to my brother and I. She was also a major barrier that caused almost a ten year period of minimal contact with my birthmother.
It took me a while to realize that in order to maintain any relationship with my father, I would have to have a good one with my stepmom. Anyways, I have a really good relationship with both my moms now, but they still have bitter hate for one another which is sometimes bothering (can’t wait for the weddings.)
So that’s why I got the book. (Went a bit off track there.)
Anyway, the book explained the concept of karma, and discussed ways to reduce negative feelings. One of the concepts explained was that instead of not liking someone, we should feel sorry for them (empathize), as it was probably the environment they were in or a certain event that caused the person to behave a certain way. Those concepts are always on the back of my mind.
As I’ve said before, I have moved a lot, especially in the last 5 or 6 years. My first move to Texas in grade 5 was painful to be taken away from friends, but it made every move afterwards that much easier.
I have met some amazing people in the last few years, and made some really close friends. But I never keep in touch with them. I feel like I’ve gone through the cycle of making friends then moving on so much that I naturally think of friends as a very short-term thing, and I detach from people way too easy. (Which has caused some angry emails from ex-girlfriends.) I do find that a lot of friends seem to have strong feelings of resentment when I decide to move to a new town.
I am very open when people ask me personal questions (volunteering I’m not so comfortable with), and I’ve found that people often share themselves with me, or come to me with problems.
My L-factor score was in the average range. So I guess what I’m getting at is that people seem to like me, and I get along great with people in the moment, but it all goes to hell when my attempts at maintaining a relationship when distance separates us are minimal.
A quote I heard really hit home. I can’t remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of “If you have a problem, there’s no point getting stressed out. If there’s nothing you can do to correct the problem, don’t dwell on it and move on. If you can fix it, then fix it.”
After some random exposure last year to Buddhism, I picked up a book at an airport called “The art of forgiveness” by the Dalai Lama. My stepmom has been with my Dad since I was 7, and she really made a self sacrifice of not having children by marrying my Dad. My relationship with her is good now, but it wasn’t until a few years ago. She was very unreasonable, and often cruel to my brother and I. She was also a major barrier that caused almost a ten year period of minimal contact with my birthmother.
It took me a while to realize that in order to maintain any relationship with my father, I would have to have a good one with my stepmom. Anyways, I have a really good relationship with both my moms now, but they still have bitter hate for one another which is sometimes bothering (can’t wait for the weddings.)
So that’s why I got the book. (Went a bit off track there.)
Anyway, the book explained the concept of karma, and discussed ways to reduce negative feelings. One of the concepts explained was that instead of not liking someone, we should feel sorry for them (empathize), as it was probably the environment they were in or a certain event that caused the person to behave a certain way. Those concepts are always on the back of my mind.
As I’ve said before, I have moved a lot, especially in the last 5 or 6 years. My first move to Texas in grade 5 was painful to be taken away from friends, but it made every move afterwards that much easier.
I have met some amazing people in the last few years, and made some really close friends. But I never keep in touch with them. I feel like I’ve gone through the cycle of making friends then moving on so much that I naturally think of friends as a very short-term thing, and I detach from people way too easy. (Which has caused some angry emails from ex-girlfriends.) I do find that a lot of friends seem to have strong feelings of resentment when I decide to move to a new town.
I am very open when people ask me personal questions (volunteering I’m not so comfortable with), and I’ve found that people often share themselves with me, or come to me with problems.
My L-factor score was in the average range. So I guess what I’m getting at is that people seem to like me, and I get along great with people in the moment, but it all goes to hell when my attempts at maintaining a relationship when distance separates us are minimal.
posted by andrew at 8:29 AM
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